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Category: Big Ocean Women

Tenet 8 – Gently up the Stream, Together

May 29, 2017

Hear Kahi, a social worker, talk about building interdependent marriage relationships, and the relationship she has built with God and her husband as they worked through his pornography addiction.

“I have this postcard of a painting. It has become my analogy for a healthy marriage. It’s called “Gently Up the Stream.” It’s two people in canoes and we’re in separate canoes. And they are riding down the river. And they are going in the same direction.
“When I got married, I assumed that we would be “one,” that we would agree on everything and everything would be awesome all the time, and that’s totally not the case.
“So my analogy for what a healthy marriage looks like has changed. For us now, we talk about ‘I’m in my boat, and you’re in your boat. We each have our own boats. And we’re in charge of keeping our own boats in tact. We have to make sure there are no holes, there are no leaks. We have to take take care of our relationship with God and make sure we are whole and healthy on our own and our spouses have to do the same thing. And then, from that point, the goal is that we’re both going in the same direction.'”

Painting referred to is “Gently up the Stream,” original art by Linda Curley Christensen.


After listening to Kahi, the question was posed: Maternal feminism can help us develop interdependent relationships with men. What men/boys in your life are you doing this for? How do you see maternal feminism helping you develop healthy relationships with the men in you life? 
I’m doing this for my husband and my son.
I want a feminism that empowers me but not at the expense of the men in my life. I want to come home at peace with who I am and what I have to offer, and then foster that same peace in my son. I want to come into my marriage a whole person with the invitation for my husband to do the same. I want to heal the rift between men and women because, we’re better together.

I am doing this for Jared and my three sons.
When I choose to take care of myself, I am more able to connect my power with the power of others for a more empowering experience for all.
I’m doing this for Trent and Kenji.
I love this idea of “being in your own boat.” I’ve felt this so many times, when I have been part of the “crazy controlling committee,” and felt like I was drowning as a result. When I choose to stay in my own boat, still inviting and encouraging the others in my life to connect with God for themselves, we can achieve a greater result and healthier unit.
I’m doing this for all the men in my family
Maternal feminism will help me because Knowing who I am will help me have the confidence to love without fear.
I am doing this for Kawika, Elijah, Kepa,  my brothers, and my dad. 
So that we can all become what we need to. So that we can better enjoy this earthly journey together. And so that our relationships can be strengthened to the degree that we can do a greater work together.
I am doing this for my four brothers, my husband, and my three boys.
When I choose to be in my own boat, I give the men in my life the power to choose to connect personally with God.